(boundaries&lots)

wish i had more words for the past week.

but i dont.

week 4 at ANNA went great. feel like im finally acclimating to the culture. im a regular. ha.

getting closer to the interns in my department=wonderful.

wishing i could be more of a thermostat instead of a thermometer.

working on it.

personally, however, life is hard.

the good thing is, though, that i had a great revelation from the Lord about my life and my character this week. and though its not an easy word, it is inviting me on a journey of discovering how to meet with him on a daily basis as i enter this new season of life that is extremely uncertain….

my resolve for the next weeks ahead is this:

[[i will live out of that which i know, not out of that which i merely feel.]]

the know= truth&promises from His Word

the feel= my up&down, fleeting, momentary emotions&flesh

the implications of this resolve are countless. i have already had to impose this phrase on myself a number of times this week and even twice today already. its good. its hard, but its good.

some accompanying passages from the Word that have put this into perspective are:

Psalm 73:23-26

“Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.“

Romans 7&8. (a little long to quote, but here are some exerts)

“For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but he evil I do not want, this I keep on doing…“

“To set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law; indeed it cannot. Those who are in the flesh cannot please God.“

“For in this hope we are saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.“

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.“

“What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?”

i am going to memorize Romans 8. i think if i look back to a blog that was around this exact time last year, last summer in Italy, i remember that Romans 8 spoke much needed truth to me then, too. HAHA. perfetto.

sorry i dont have more explanations and cool stories.

i am a little dry this week. but praise Jesus, the Father is always rich with good. I will cling to this:

He is unchanging…i am the changing one.

this, i know.

im hitting that point where i realize my time in nyc is almost half over. it scares me to think that i have wasted my time sulking in my failures, listening to emotions&flesh, when really theyre just lying to me anyway…

but that is something i feel.

and when i chose to listen to the “feel” instead of the “know,” i am saying that i dont trust the voice of Jesus enough to embrace the discomfort or uncertainty that surrounds me and know that he isnt unaware of my fears.

and the thing is: the feel never speaks of truth…it allows perceived truth to outweigh real truth. the feel is always changing according to my perceived truth of others around me, while the know clings to the unchanging character of my God.

Graham Cooke said this:

[We can never trust in what God is doing. We can only be secure in who He is.]

the feel is “others” centered, but the know is  God-centered. the feel is “circumstances” centered, while the know is “character” centered. [others&circumstances] will always change and confuse me—but [God’s character] is unchanging, as sure as the rising and setting of the sun. this is why trusting the know is so much more worthwhile than trusting the feel.

if i spend my life listening to the feel: others&circumstances, i will always try to figure what i did wrong, and why i failed, and, and, and…

its exhausting.

but if i will but trust in the know: His unchanging character, i can find rest in the truth that promises to uphold me. to lift me up above my fears and uncertainties.

for the rest of my life i will struggle with this feeling vs knowing. its the flesh versus the truth, the temporal versus the eternal, the world versus the kingdom.

this is where another one of my favorite passages comes into play. and gives me hope&strength:

“For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away…For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. So now, faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.“

i feel now.

but soon i will know.

but for now (and especially the next 6 weeks in nyc), i trust the “know” of the Word that gives me promise of what is to come.

no matter what i have or don’t have, what my life looks like in comparison to others, how exciting or extremely mundane my lot may seem…i know–his boundary lines&lots have fallen for me in pleasant places. indeed, i have a beautiful inheritance. i have set Him always before me; because He is at my right hand, i will not be shaken…

“Therefore my heart is glad and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure. For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let your holy one see corruption. You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand there are pleasures forevermore.”

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